Tests of Loyalty – the psychopath’s chisel

If there is one constant we notice about psychopaths, besides their enjoyment of torturing people mentally, physically and emotionally, it is that psychopaths must test their targets’ loyalty: as friends, lovers, co-workers and family members. Other people will test our loyalties as well. Yet there is a distinct difference between those who test loyalty based on trust issues and those testing loyalty for the express purpose of grooming, molding and shaping a target’s perceptions and sense of self (i.e gaslighting). The psychopath’s tests of loyalty will put the target in the position to have to ignore their own moral compass in order to remain loyal to the psychopath. Gradually, each test becomes more and more extreme and the target becomes lost, ignoring his or her moral compass. Eventually, the psychopath will sense that the target has reached his or her limit and begin devaluing the target as a means to manipulate the target to continue to feel the need for the psychopath’s approval. Ignoring, silent treatment, shaming, scolding, yelling and belittling what the target cares about and/or has talent in, are all tools of the devaluation trade for the psychopath.

The cycle repeats when, after a cooling off period, the psychopath begins to idealize the target once again. Yet, the devaluation stage is often the point where the target realizes a pattern and decides to end his or her relationship with the psychopath. Once the target has made the end clear, the psychopath will surpass all previous devaluation cycles and publically shame and devalue the target while simultaneously pretending to be the victim of the target for the purpose of both replacing and destroying the target. Pity player extraordinaire, the psychopath will claim that once again he or she had been turned against. Never taking responsibility for his or her own part in the downfall of the relationship, the psychopath will publically brutalize the target and invite the friends and family members in common to do the same. Knowing the triggers of the family members and friends, the psychopath will craft his or her lies to trigger the community in common into demonizing and scapegoating the target. To face the truth of the psychopath’s manipulations and moral failings is to face one’s own manipulations and moral failings and we all do as much as we can not to face those tough truths.

When we see a person publically victimized, brutalized and torn to shreds by another person who once spoke highly of the person they are now destroying, we should be careful not to participate as this very well could be the pity play of the psychopath. Your participation is merely an indication of your willingness to be the next target for destruction.


About Kira

Tall Hot Chick, intercultural clown, insurgent, poet, singer, water protector, land defender, grower of food and flowers.
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7 Responses to Tests of Loyalty – the psychopath’s chisel

  1. I am sitting here, nodding my head, as I see this in my own relationship. It scares the crap out of me, because I know this HAS to come to an end, if I am to ever be halfway healthy again.

    Thank you. You have awoken something in me. Something I have felt deeply for years now, but won’t just admit it out loud.

    • Kira says:

      It is a frightening thing to admit and to realize. What you must now never do is let them know you know. You must get away without them ever knowing you know.

  2. Had a long, much needed discussion with my mother yesterday. After being diagnosed with PTSD due to this toxic relationship, among a few other stress related illnesses, i have to do something. It’s heartbreaking.

  3. i have been stalked for 25 years in a town of maybe 10000…..i sure have learned a lot but i have been torn to shreds also…its like having a wound that never heals …i am glad you know some about this stuff Kira ..its an important topic….if the public knew more they would be able to spot these freaks more easily …and be able to tell the victim from the agressor

    • Kira says:

      It has been a series of one painful discovery after another but I’ve been blessed with tht ability to see patterns and my goal is to help others with that gift. Thank you Michael.

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